NicoB's Hope Bagels
by Hawkholly
Summary: NicoB gets to meet his favorite character in Dangan Ronpa, Komaeda of course! What will happen? The fangirls can probably tell you what they want to happen! This is a crack fic and isn't meant to be taken seriously.


**Whoops sorry Nico I'm one of those crazy fangirls that loves Komaeda but. Yeah you don't care about me do you? You just care about Komaeda right? Riiiiiiiiiight—ok yea im done with that**

 **But anyway I'm one of his newer fans (I came around about in the middle of his DR1 LP) and haven't watched everything yet so I can't make too many references, whoops**

 **If he ever even sees this just. I apologize in advance, having fanfiction written about you must make you feel…I don't even know XD also oocness(out of character since Nico didn't know in the last thing that had that) is a thing**

 **(also plz don't sue me thx C:)**

* * *

And so NicoB found himself on a date with Komaeda.

He had no idea as to how this actually happened. He had been working on some videos when he had suddenly been poofed into a P.F. Chang's with Komaeda sitting across from him.

"Whoa, what the fruity fack?" Nico yelped, looking around. Since the author hasn't actually been inside P.F. Chang's before since there's not one near to her she doesn't know how to describe this so just use your imagination or somethin I dunno. "Where's my equipment and stuff?!"

"Oh, hey Nico!" Komaeda greeted with a laugh. "Wow, WHAT a surprise! I never thought I'd see you here after all the bad luck I experience earlier! Hahahahahaha, wow, WHAT a coincidence!"

"What did you do?" Nico growled, immediately on his guard. He did not like this douchebag, or so he said, but he secretly loved him. Maybe. Probably not.

"What do you mean, what did I do?" Komaeda grinned at him mischievously. "I didn't do anything! We just came here on our date, that's all!"

"I thought you were gay for Horny Hajime!" Nico complained.

"Oh, I totally am. Hahahaha, we're _totally_ gay for each other, don't worry," Komaeda assured him with a wide smile. "He just doesn't know it yet. He'll come around eventually."

"No I won't," came Hajime's voice from far away. "I kind of effing HATE YOUR GUTS."

"Love you too Hajibae! Until then, you're pretty good too," Komaeda told Nico as he leaned across the table. "This date is gonna be totally awesome! I even planned our honeymoon together! We're going to a tropical island! Haha, isn't this WONDERFUL?"

"What the hell is going on?!" Nico stared at him in disbelief. "I don't understand any of this! How did I even get here?!"

"Shhhhhhh…" Komaeda moved across the table and put a finger over his lips. "Everything's okay now…"

Nico swatted his hand away, looking freaked out. "I didn't ask for this! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!"

"Because fangirls like writing fanfiction about you? Haha, I don't know. I wouldn't know anything about that." Komaeda grinned. "I mean, this is REAL LIFE. TOTALLY real life. I mean like FOR REAL, this is totally like REAL. LIFE. Right? Riiiiiiiight?"

"Shut the fack up," Nico growled at him. "I don't know what kind of BS powers you just used but this is crossing the line!"

"Huh? Line? What line?" Komaeda blinked. "There wasn't a line to get in, and I don't see one on the table, so…"

Nico stared at him. Komaeda laughed. "AHAHAHHAHAHA, I'm SOOOOOOO funny."

"No you're not. Now stop dodging my questions! What am I doing—"

A girl suddenly came up to them. She was holding a notepad and a pencil, and she looked extremely bored. She was also wearing an extremely revealing outfit, probably to Nico's delight. Or maybe it wasn't to his delight. Shaddup I'm not Nico I don't know what he's into.

"Hello, welcome to P.F. Chang's," the girl sighed. "Now what can I get you…?"

Nico's eyes almost popped out of his head and fell onto the floor. "CH-CHIAKI! What the flying fack are you doing here?!"

"Um, I work here…?" She blinked at him. "Oh, hey Nico. What's up?"

"Why do all of you recognize me?" Nico stood up. "Oh well, it's my waifu! Chiaki you're my waifu, come give me a hug!" He hugged her anyways.

Chiaki squirmed. "Um, my boss is watching, Nico. You might want to let go…"

"Yo dude, what are you doing to her?" Hagakure walked over, looking annoyed. "You can't touch the employees like that! Do I need to call over a new waitress?"

"Wait…HAGAKURE GOT A JOB AND A LIFE?" Nico stared at him. "Since when did that happen?!"

"We made a reverse bet for fifty million yen that my fortune tellings would come true. I lost," Hagakure said cheerily. "I'm rich!"

"That's not something you should be proud of to win," Nico said, raising an eyebrow.

"Ah whatever!" Hagakure led Chiaki away. Nico stared after her, his eyes widening. "B-But my waifu…NO…HE'S TAKING MY WAIFU!"

"What are you talking about? I'M your waifu." Komaeda pulled Nico down. "Oh right…where were we?"

"You're gonna send me back, righ—wait, earlier did you say HONEYMOON?!"

"Yeah! Monokuma just made gay marriage legal on Jabberwock Island whenever he saw how popular Ishimondo and Komahina were! Ahahahahahaha, isn't that wonderful?!"

"What the hell?!" Nico tried to stand. "I'm not getting married to you!"

"But one of us would have to play the part of the woman at the marriage," Komaeda said thoughtfully, pulling Nico back down with a surprisingly strong grip. "Obviously that'll be you."

"WHAT?! NO WAY am I wearing a facking wedding dress!"

"Oh Nico, you'll look beautiful in it!" Komaeda assured him, looking pleased. "And once we're done with our honeymoon we'll do everything together!"

"I'm sorry what."

A new waiter came over. It was none other than an irritated looking Hajime Hinata, who wore his usual attire. "…Whaddaya want to eat…"

"Oh! Hajime! Hahahahaha, aren't I glad I had all that bad luck before this! Like I got thrown off a motorcycle and I flew into space before ALL of this! I had a lot of bad car accidents and lost a whole lot of limbs, hahahaha. It was kind of like some driving simulator game where the goal is to give the rider a painful death. It sure was fun!"

"You're a lunatic," Hajime grumbled. "Now what do you want to eat?"

"I want bagels," Komaeda said immediately.

"We don't serve bagels here, Komaeda."

"DON'T LIE TO ME!"

"I'M NOT LYING TO YOU!"

"I know you serve them."

"I know we don't."

"And just how would you know that, Hajime?"

"Because I'm the good guy and I get everything right?"

"But don't _I_ get a lot of everything right too? Don't _I_ have a lot of the information that solves a lot of the murders?"

"Well…Um…"

"Who's your beeeeeeest friend in the whoooooole wide world? Hahahahaha, it's totally me, right? Riiiiiiiiiight?"

Hajime facepalmed. "No. Definitely not."

Nico just kind of watched the two, looking dumbfounded.

"But who's helped you solved a majority of these murders?" Komaeda pointed out.

Hajime hesitated. "Um…"

"So who would know if there were bagels here or not? Get me some bagels." Komaeda grinned.

Hajime lowered his head. "…O-Okay…" He made some crying noises like Kazuichi and hurried off.

Nico frowned. "But wait, I…didn't even get to order…"

"That doesn't matter. So how are you?" Komaeda leaned back across the table and put a hand in Nico's hair. "Shhhhhh…" He began to pet Nico. "I know you're afraid, but…trust me… _trust_ me…" he whispered. "Everything will be okay…shhhhhhhh…"

Nico wasn't sure of whether to burst out laughing or be freaked out. He decided on the latter. "Dude, no yaoi, please! We don't need any more fangirls out there!"

"Yaoi? Hahahahaha, that's not gonna go away. Komahina is already a thing. You might be stuck with me." Komaeda grinned at him.

"But for real, how did you get me here?!" Nico blurted.

Komaeda closed his eyes, as if he were analyzing his options. "…Okay, so…I'll tell you the truth. I—"

"Dinner is served!" announced Hajime as he waltzed back to the table with a tray of bagels. He put them in front of Komaeda. "I spit in them. I hope you still want them," Hajime mumbled.

Komaeda's eyes lit up. "Oh my goodness, hope and Hajime DNA all in one dish?! I'll live forever with this!" He took a big bite. Hajime rolled his eyes and walked away, looking disgusted. "I'm sorry, Nico," Hajime called over his shoulder.

"I love you Hajibae," Komaeda called once again. "Oh my goodness, these bagels are so good! Do you want one?"

"No." Nico shook his head immediately. "I want to go home."

"And that will happen whenever we get married," Komaeda responded happily.

"Please," Nico whimpered, looking on the verge of crying, "I want to go home and see my Picky Penguins and make videos with them and do my livestreams and play games!"

Komaeda tipped his head. "…Okay, sure. If you take one bite of a bagel then I'll send you home."

"I feel like this is like Snow White." Nico scowled. "But okay. I'm pretty much desperate at this point." Nico grabbed one from Komaeda's plate and took a huge bite…

…

…

…

"…Hey, Nico…Nico? Are you awake…?"

Nico opened his eyes and found himself blinded by the sun. Seagulls cried out in the distance. He found himself in the arms of someone wearing a tuxedo. He looked familiar, but…

…No.

Nico scrambled out of Komaeda's arms immediately and found himself wearing a wedding dress. Nico screamed. "What the hell, Komaeda?! You promised to take me home!"

"Ohhhhh my goodness! I'm so sorry about that!" Komaeda beamed at him and laughed. "I guess the bagel had some kind of liquid inside of it that accidentally knocked you out for 48 hours and we got married during that process! Whoopsiedoodle!"

"Wait, WHAT THE HELL?" Nico stared at him in horror. "JUST…WHAT THE HELL? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? YOU DIDN'T EVEN MAKE THE BAGELS!"

"Oh, really? I didn't?" Komaeda smirked and pulled Nico back up to the wedding altar. "Hahahahahaha, WHAT a coincidence then!"

Nico's face darkened. "…No…the BS powers…"

"Upupupupu, he got you good!" came Monokuma's voice. Nico turned to find that…Monokuma was the one wedding them?!

The bear was wearing a tie and suit split into black and white. He had even combed his fur and had gotten all nice and fancy. Monokuma laughed again. "You may now kiss the bride, Komaeda!"

Nico screamed as Komaeda leaned in. "NOOOOOOOOOOO—"

Suddenly he found himself in a bed. He sat up immediately. Gone was the island. His surroundings were finally recognizable; he was home. He sighed in relief. "OH THANK GOD…Just a dream…"

"Nico?" A familiar face cautiously opened the door and studied him. "Are you okay? I heard you shouting."

Nico stared at him. "…No…KOMAEDA?! WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN HAPPENING TO ME?!"

Komaeda laughed and stepped inside. "Man, this is just Komaedaception, isn't it?! Oh my goodness! The fangirls must be flipping the fack out, huh?!"

Nico fainted and never woke up. The end.

Komaeda frowned as Nico fell. "…Well…I had too much good luck prior to this…Oh well…HAJIBAE! I'M COMING FOR YOU!"

Okay now it's the end.

* * *

 **oh gosh I tried. Don't hate me Nico. If you even read this. XD I hope everyone that read it liked it and thank you for reading! :)**


End file.
